I'm a modern girl, but I fold in half so easily.

Fmylife.com - FML #146890

2009-02-27T08:20:00.001-08:00

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2009-01-10T18:43:00.001-08:00

I've moved my blog to a little place I'd like to call http://aimezlaterre.wordpress.com/

Follow me there!

I suck at blogging

2009-01-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

I'd say it's my new years resolution to get better at it, but I really couldn't care any less about it.

Anyway, onto bigger and better things. Life is good. Really good. And for no particular reason too. Which is nice. I'm still single, and couldn't be happier. Work is...well....work is work. I've been seeing my friends more regularly, which is great. I'm house sitting a ton, I'm really never at home. Which makes me a little sad that my mom is by herself all the time.

There's really nothing else to update on. And this is why I suck a blogging.

Listening to: Arctic Monkeys 'Red light indicates doors are secured'

Austin Texas

2008-11-27T06:59:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking (for a long while now) about moving. As much as I love Vermont, I'm really not a cold weather person. Plus it's going to be time to move on.
I should have my school loans paid off by 2013. And my job at the college only goes until 2012. I've looked at Seattle, Austin, Denver, Atlanta, and San Francisco. And when it comes right down to it, I need somewhere that's warm for most of the year. But I also want a place that is similar to Vermont in the attitude of it's residents.
I have a friend who is from Houston, and after asking about Austin, he has confirmed that Austin is like a "warm Burlington". Perrrrrrrrfect.
So I've been craigslisting jobs and apartments (I won't be moving for a couple of years, but it's a good idea to get an idea for the feel of the city), and DAMN there are some NICE apartments that don't cost nearly what you'd think. I'm used to Burlington where the only kind of apartment you can get for under $700 is a run down hovel that has been inhabited by college students for the past 30 years.
The only downfall to all of that is that the jobs generally pay less as well. Buuuut the University of Texas at Austin has a law program.....PERFECT! And if I can get a job at the University, I can probably take classes a little cheaper. Or, I can go down and just concentrate on college. Smart, eh?

We'll see how this works out. Most of my plans have a tendency of falling through.

Life Anew

2008-11-13T03:38:00.000-08:00

This blog is a place where I can be as honest and forthcoming as I want, because I really don't think anyone reads it. And that is just fine and dandy with me.

So. On the news front. I'm saving for an apartment. Probably not the best idea to go and spend $500+ a month on a place to live when I live where I do now for free. Plus I'm not really at home that much what with all my housesitting gigs. But regardless, I'm on my way. I have a financial plan that spans out all the way to 2014 to pay off ALL of my student loans. It's my current focus. I need to keep on track with it too. Because having all this debt is just not the way I want to live my life. And if I ever want to go back to grad school, having $100,000 in debt is not going to help that cause.

I feel like I'm finally in a really good place financially. And it's nice to feel that way.

That's really all to be said about that. :)

2008-10-12T12:32:00.001-07:00

Went out last night with some girl friends. And granted, our town isn't that big, but there are a few places to go out to. And who do we run into but our ex's. The ones that we were out celebrating being over and done with. Annoying. And mine insisted on coming up and talking to be about how he "really wants to be friends". Yeah, okay.

One thing that this whole relationship/post-relationship has taught me is that there is no way that I believe in the whole "one". That there's just one person out there for you, etc. etc. And quite honestly, I'm so happy being single right now, and not settling for anything other than EXACTLY what I want. Life couldn't be any better right now.

That's all for now. More on the melodrama that seems to be my life later.

U.S. debt overpowers National Debt Clock

2008-10-09T06:43:00.001-07:00

Posted on CNN today. How ridiculous is this? Rather than add two digits, why don't we just reduce the debt? "Your Family Share" Should be "Your Individual Share" Oh right, but then they'd have to add more space to the board.
What a waste of time and space.

NEW YORK (AP) -- The National Debt Clock in New York City has run out of digits to record the growing figure.
U.S. national debt clock in Times Square, New York.

U.S. national debt clock in Times Square, New York.

As a short-term fix, the digital dollar sign on the billboard-style clock near Times Square has been switched to a figure -- the "1" in $10 trillion.

It's marking the federal government's current debt at about $10.2 trillion.

The Durst Organization says it plans to update the sign next year by adding two digits.

That will make it capable of tracking debt up to a quadrillion dollars.

The late Manhattan real estate developer Seymour Durst put the sign up in 1989 to call attention to what was then a $2.7 trillion debt.

The single life

2008-10-08T09:32:00.000-07:00

Is where the real fun is.
I missed it.

Hilarious Article (not by me): Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough

2008-03-23T16:36:00.000-07:00

Marry Him!
The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
by Lori Gottlieb

About six months after my son was born, he and I were sitting on a blanket at the park with a close friend and her daughter. It was a sunny summer weekend, and other parents and their kids picnicked nearby—mothers munching berries and lounging on the grass, fathers tossing balls with their giddy toddlers. My friend and I, who, in fits of self-empowerment, had conceived our babies with donor sperm because we hadn’t met Mr. Right yet, surveyed the idyllic scene.

“Ah, this is the dream,” I said, and we nodded in silence for a minute, then burst out laughing. In some ways, I meant it: we’d both dreamed of motherhood, and here we were, picnicking in the park with our children. But it was also decidedly not the dream. The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Of course, we’d be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).

To the outside world, of course, we still call ourselves feminists and insist—vehemently, even—that we’re independent and self-sufficient and don’t believe in any of that damsel-in-distress stuff, but in reality, we aren’t fish who can do without a bicycle, we’re women who want a traditional family. And despite growing up in an era when the centuries-old mantra to get married young was finally (and, it seemed, refreshingly) replaced by encouragement to postpone that milestone in pursuit of high ideals (education! career! but also true love!), every woman I know—no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure—feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried.

Oh, I know—I’m guessing there are single 30-year-old women reading this right now who will be writing letters to the editor to say that the women I know aren’t widely representative, that I’ve been co-opted by the cult of the feminist backlash, and basically, that I have no idea what I’m talking about. And all I can say is, if you say you’re not worried, either you’re in denial or you’re lying. In fact, take a good look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you’re not worried, because you’ll see how silly your face looks when you’re being disingenuous.

Whether you acknowledge it or not, there’s good reason to worry. By the time 35th-birthday-brunch celebrations roll around for still-single women, serious, irreversible life issues masquerading as “jokes” creep into public conversation: Well, I don’t feel old, but my eggs sure do! or Maybe this year I’ll marry Todd. I’m not getting any younger! The birthday girl smiles a bit too widely as she delivers these lines, and everyone laughs a little too hard for a little too long, not because we find these sentiments funny, but because we’re awkwardly acknowledging how unfunny they are. At their core, they pose one of the most complicated, painful, and pervasive dilemmas many single women are forced to grapple with nowadays: Is it better to be alone, or to settle?

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

Obviously, I wasn’t always an advocate of settling. In fact, it took not settling to make me realize that settling is the better option, and even though settling is a rampant phenomenon, talking about it in a positive light makes people profoundly uncomfortable. Whenever I make the case for settling, people look at me with creased brows of disapproval or frowns of disappointment, the way a child might look at an older sibling who just informed her that Jerry’s Kids aren’t going to walk, even if you send them money. It’s not only politically incorrect to get behind settling, it’s downright un-American. Our culture tells us to keep our eyes on the prize (while our mothers, who know better, tell us not to be so picky), and the theme of holding out for true love (whatever that is—look at the divorce rate) permeates our collective mentality.

Even situation comedies, starting in the 1970s with The Mary Tyler Moore Show and going all the way to Friends, feature endearing single women in the dating trenches, and there’s supposed to be something romantic and even heroic about their search for true love. Of course, the crucial difference is that, whereas the earlier series begins after Mary has been jilted by her fiancé, the more modern-day Friends opens as Rachel Green leaves her nice-guy orthodontist fiancé at the altar simply because she isn’t feeling it. But either way, in episode after episode, as both women continue to be unlucky in love, settling starts to look pretty darn appealing. Mary is supposed to be contentedly independent and fulfilled by her newsroom family, but in fact her life seems lonely. Are we to assume that at the end of the series, Mary, by then in her late 30s, found her soul mate after the lights in the newsroom went out and her work family was disbanded? If her experience was anything like mine or that of my single friends, it’s unlikely.

And while Rachel and her supposed soul mate, Ross, finally get together (for the umpteenth time) in the finale of Friends, do we feel confident that she’ll be happier with Ross than she would have been had she settled down with Barry, the orthodontist, 10 years earlier? She and Ross have passion but have never had long-term stability, and the fireworks she experiences with him but not with Barry might actually turn out to be a liability, given how many times their relationship has already gone up in flames. It’s equally questionable whether Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw, who cheated on her kindhearted and generous boyfriend, Aidan, only to end up with the more exciting but self-absorbed Mr. Big, will be better off in the framework of marriage and family. (Some time after the breakup, when Carrie ran into Aidan on the street, he was carrying his infant in a Baby Björn. Can anyone imagine Mr. Big walking around with a Björn?)

When we’re holding out for deep romantic love, we have the fantasy that this level of passionate intensity will make us happier. But marrying Mr. Good Enough might be an equally viable option, especially if you’re looking for a stable, reliable life companion. Madame Bovary might not see it that way, but if she’d remained single, I’ll bet she would have been even more depressed than she was while living with her tedious but caring husband.

What I didn’t realize when I decided, in my 30s, to break up with boyfriends I might otherwise have ended up marrying, is that while settling seems like an enormous act of resignation when you’re looking at it from the vantage point of a single person, once you take the plunge and do it, you’ll probably be relatively content. It sounds obvious now, but I didn’t fully appreciate back then that what makes for a good marriage isn’t necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.

I don’t mean to say that settling is ideal. I’m simply saying that it might have gotten an undeservedly bad rap. As the only single woman in my son’s mommy-and-me group, I used to listen each week to a litany of unrelenting complaints about people’s husbands and feel pretty good about my decision to hold out for the right guy, only to realize that these women wouldn’t trade places with me for a second, no matter how dull their marriages might be or how desperately they might long for a different husband. They, like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they, like me, realize that marriage ultimately isn’t about cosmic connection—it’s about how having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all.

The couples my friend and I saw at the park that summer were enviable but not because they seemed so in love—they were enviable because the husbands played with the kids for 20 minutes so their wives could eat lunch. In practice, my married friends with kids don’t spend that much time with their husbands anyway (between work and child care), and in many cases, their biggest complaint seems to be that they never see each other. So if you rarely see your husband—but he’s a decent guy who takes out the trash and sets up the baby gear, and he provides a second income that allows you to spend time with your child instead of working 60 hours a week to support a family on your own—how much does it matter whether the guy you marry is The One?

It’s not that I’ve become jaded to the point that I don’t believe in, or even crave, romantic connection. It’s that my understanding of it has changed. In my formative years, romance was John Cusack and Ione Skye in Say Anything. But when I think about marriage nowadays, my role models are the television characters Will and Grace, who, though Will was gay and his relationship with Grace was platonic, were one of the most romantic couples I can think of. What I long for in a marriage is that sense of having a partner in crime. Someone who knows your day-to-day trivia. Someone who both calls you on your bullshit and puts up with your quirks. So what if Will and Grace weren’t having sex with each other? How many long- married couples are having much sex anyway?

“I just want someone who’s willing to be in the trenches with me,” my single friend Jennifer told me, “and I never thought of marriage that way before.” Two of Jennifer’s friends married men who Jennifer believes aren’t even straight, and while Jennifer wouldn’t have made that choice a few years back, she wonders whether she might be capable of it in the future. “Maybe they understood something that I didn’t,” she said.

What they understood is this: as your priorities change from romance to family, the so-called “deal breakers” change. Some guys aren’t worldly, but they’d make great dads. Or you walk into a room and start talking to this person who is 5'4" and has an unfortunate nose, but he “gets” you. My long-married friend Renée offered this dating advice to me in an e-mail:

I would say even if he’s not the love of your life, make sure he’s someone you respect intellectually, makes you laugh, appreciates you … I bet there are plenty of these men in the older, overweight, and bald category (which they all eventually become anyway).

She wasn’t joking.

A number of my single women friends admit (in hushed voices and after I swear I won’t use their real names here) that they’d readily settle now but wouldn’t have 10 years ago. They believe that part of the problem is that we grew up idealizing marriage—and that if we’d had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard benefits, we might have done things differently. Instead, we grew up thinking that marriage meant feeling some kind of divine spark, and so we walked away from uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy in the context of a family.

All marriages, of course, involve compromise, but where’s the cutoff? Where’s the line between compromising and settling, and at what age does that line seem to fade away? Choosing to spend your life with a guy who doesn’t delight in the small things in life might be considered settling at 30, but not at 35. By 40, if you get a cold shiver down your spine at the thought of embracing a certain guy, but you enjoy his company more than anyone else’s, is that settling or making an adult compromise?

Take the date I went on last night. The guy was substantially older. He had a long history of major depression and said, in reference to the movies he was writing, “I’m fascinated by comas” and “I have a strong interest in terrorists.” He’d never been married. He was rude to the waiter. But he very much wanted a family, and he was successful, handsome, and smart. As I looked at him from across the table, I thought, Yeah, I’ll see him again. Maybe I can settle for that. But my very next thought was, Maybe I can settle for better. It’s like musical chairs—when do you take a seat, any seat, just so you’re not left standing alone?

Back when I was still convinced I’d find my soul mate, I did, although I never articulated this, have certain requirements. I thought that the person I married would have to have a sense of wonderment about the world, would be both spontaneous and grounded, and would acknowledge that life is hard but also be able to navigate its ups and downs with humor. Many of the guys I dated possessed these qualities, but if one of them lacked a certain degree of kindness, another didn’t seem emotionally stable enough, and another’s values clashed with mine. Others were sweet but so boring that I preferred reading during dinner to sitting through another tedious conversation. I also dated someone who appeared to be highly compatible with me—we had much in common, and strong physical chemistry—but while our sensibilities were similar, they proved to be a half-note off, so we never quite felt in harmony, or never viewed the world through quite the same lens.

Now, though, I realize that if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I’m at the age where I’ll likely need to settle for someone who is settling for me. What I and many women who hold out for true love forget is that we won’t always have the same appeal that we may have had in our 20s and early 30s. Having turned 40, I now have wrinkles, bags under my eyes, and hair in places I didn’t know hair could grow on women. With my nonworking life consumed by thoughts of potty training and playdates, I’ve become a far less interesting person than the one who went on hiking adventures and performed at comedy clubs. But when I chose to have a baby on my own, the plan was that I would continue to search for true connection afterward; it certainly wasn’t that I would have a baby alone only to settle later. After all, wouldn’t it have been wiser to settle for a higher caliber of “not Mr. Right” while my marital value was at its peak?

Those of us who choose not to settle in hopes of finding a soul mate later are almost like teenagers who believe they’re invulnerable to dying in a drunk-driving accident. We lose sight of our mortality. We forget that we, too, will age and become less alluring. And even if some men do find us engaging, and they’re ready to have a family, they’ll likely decide to marry someone younger with whom they can have their own biological children. Which is all the more reason to settle before settling is no longer an option.

I’ll be the first to admit that there’s something objectionable about making the case for settling, because it’s based on the premise that women’s biological clocks place them at the mercy of men, and that therefore a power dynamic dictates what should be an affair solely of the heart (not the heart and the ovaries). But I’m not the only woman who accepts settling as a valid choice—apparently so do the millions who buy bestselling relationship books that advocate settling but that, so as not to offend, simply spin the concept as a form of female empowerment.

Take, for instance, books like Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man or Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School, whose titles alone make it clear that today’s supposedly progressive bachelorettes aren’t waiting for old-fashioned true love to strike before they can get married. Instead, they’re buying dozens of proactive coaching manuals to learn how to strategically land a man. The actual man in question, though, seems so irrelevant that, to my mind, these women might as well grab a well-dressed guy off the street, drag him into the nearest bar, buy him a drink, and ask him to marry her. (Or, to retain her “power,” she should manipulate him into asking her.)

The approaches in these books may differ, but the message is the same: more important than love is marriage. To achieve that goal, women across the country are poring over guidebooks that all boil down to determining, “Does he like me?,” while completely overlooking the equally essential question, “Do I like him?” In other words, whatever compromises you have to make—including, but not limited to, pretending to be or actually becoming an entirely different person—make sure that you get some schmo to propose to you before you turn into a spinster.

Last year’s Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women makes the most blatant case for settling: if women were more willing to “think outside the box,” as one of the book’s married sources advises, many of them would be married. The author then trots out tales of professional, accomplished women happily dating a plumber, a park ranger, and an Army helicopter nurse. The moral is supposed to be “Don’t be too picky” but many of the anecdotes quote women who seem to be trying to convince not just the reader, but themselves, that they haven’t settled.

“I should be with some guy with a vast vocabulary who is very smart,” said Heather, a 30-year-old lawyer turned journalist. Instead, she’s dating an actor who didn’t finish college. “My boyfriend is fun, he’s smart, but he hasn’t gone through years of school. He wanted to pursue acting. And you can tell—he doesn’t have that background, and it never ever once bothered me. But for everyone else, [his lack of education] is what they see.” Another woman says she dates “the ‘secrets’ … guys other women don’t recognize as great.” How’s that for damning praise?

Meanwhile, in sugarcoating this message, the authors often resort to flattery, telling the reader to remember how fabulous, attractive, charming, and intelligent she is, in the hopes that she’ll project a more confident vibe on dates. In my case, though, the flattery backfired. I read these books thinking, Wait, if I’m such a great catch, why should I settle for anyone less than my equal? If I’m so fabulous, don’t I deserve true romantic connection?

Only one popular book that I can think of in the vast “find a man” genre (like most single women confounded by their singleness, I’m embarrassingly well versed) takes the opposite approach. In He’s Just Not That Into You, written by the happily married Greg Behrendt and the unhappily single Liz Tuccillo, the duo exhorts women not to settle. But the book’s format is telling: Behrendt gives perky pep talks to women unable to find a worthy match, while Tuccillo repeatedly comments on how hard it is to take her co-author’s advice, because while being with a partner who is “beneath you” (Behrendt’s term) is problematic, being single just plain “sucks” (Tuccillo’s term).

Before I got pregnant, though, I also read single-mom books such as Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman’s Guide, whose chapter titles “Can I Afford It?” and “Dealing With the Stress” seemed like realistic antidotes to the faux-empowering man-hunting manual headings like “A Little Lingerie Can Go a Long Way.” But the book’s author, Mikki Morrissette, held out a tantalizing carrot. In her introduction, she describes having a daughter on her own; then, she writes, a few years later and five months pregnant with her son, “I met a guy I fell in love with. He and my daughter were in the delivery room when my son was born in January 2004.” Each time I read about single women having babies on their own and thriving instead of settling for Mr. Wrong and hiring a divorce lawyer, I felt all jazzed and ready to go. At the time, I truly believed, “I can have it all—a baby now, my soul mate later!”

Well … ha! Hahahaha. And ha.

Just as the relationship books fail to mention what happens after you triumphantly land a husband (you actually have to live with each other), these single-mom books fail to mention that once you have a baby alone, not only do you age about 10 years in the first 10 months, but if you don’t have time to shower, eat, urinate in a timely manner, or even leave the house except for work, where you spend every waking moment that your child is at day care, there’s very little chance that a man—much less The One—is going to knock on your door and join that party.

They also gloss over the cost of dating as a single mom: the time and money spent on online dating (because there are no single men at toddler birthday parties); the babysitter tab for all those boring blind dates; and, most frustrating, hours spent away from your beloved child. Even women who settle but end up divorced might be in a better position than those of us who became mothers on our own, because many ex-wives get both child-support payments and a free night off when the kids go to Dad’s house for a sleepover. Never-married moms don’t get the night off. At the end of the evening, we rush home to pay the babysitter, make any houseguest tiptoe around and speak in a hushed voice, then wake up at 6 a.m. at the first cries of “Mommy!”

Try bringing a guy home to that.

Settling is mostly a women’s game. Men settle far less often and, when they do, they don’t seem the least bit bothered by the fact that they’re settling.

My friend Alan, for instance, justified his choice of a “bland” wife who’s a good mom but with whom he shares little connection this way: “I think one-stop shopping is overrated. I get passion at my office with my work, or with my friends that I sometimes call or chat with—it’s not the same, and, boy, it would be exciting to have it with my spouse. But I spend more time with people at my office than I do with my spouse.”

Then there’s my friend Chris, a single 35-year-old marketing consultant who for three years dated someone he calls “the perfect woman”—a kind and beautiful surgeon. She broke off the relationship several times because, she told him with regret, she didn’t think she wanted to spend her life with him. Each time, Chris would persuade her to reconsider, until finally she called it off for good, saying that she just couldn’t marry somebody she wasn’t in love with. Chris was devastated, but now that his ex-girlfriend has reached 35, he’s suddenly hopeful about their future.

“By the time she turns 37,” Chris said confidently, “she’ll come back. And I’ll bet she’ll marry me then. I know she wants to have kids.” I asked Chris why he would want to be with a woman who wasn’t in love with him. Wouldn’t he be settling, too, by marrying someone who would be using him to have a family? Chris didn’t see it that way at all. “She’ll be settling,” Chris said cheerfully. “But not me. I get to marry the woman of my dreams. That’s not settling. That’s the fantasy.”

Chris believes that women are far too picky: everyone knows, he says, that a single middle-aged man still has appealing prospects; a single middle-aged woman likely doesn’t. And he’s right. Single women are painfully aware of this. I hear far more women than men talk about getting married as a goal to be met by a certain deadline. My friend Gabe points out that this allows men to be the true romantics; when a man breaks up with a perfectly acceptable woman because he’s “just not feeling it,” there’s none of the ambivalence a woman with a deadline feels. “Women are the least romantic,” Gabe said. “They think, ‘I can do that.’ For a lot of women, it becomes less about love and more about what they can live with.”

Not long ago, Gabe, who is 43, dated a woman he liked very much one-on-one, but he broke up with her because “she couldn’t be haimish”—comfortable—with his friends in a group setting. He has no regrets. A female friend who broke up with a guy because he “didn’t like to read” and who is now, too, a single mom (with, ironically, no time to read herself) similarly felt no regrets—at first. At the time, she couldn’t imagine settling, but here’s the Catch-22: “If I’d settled at 39,” she said, “I always would have had the fantasy that something better exists out there. Now I know better. Either way, I was screwed.”

The paradox, of course, is that the more it behooves a woman to settle, the less willing she is to settle; a woman in her mid- to late 30s is more discriminating than one in her 20s. She has friends who have known her since childhood, friends who will know her more intimately and understand her more viscerally than any man she meets in midlife. Her tastes and sense of self are more solidly formed. She says things like “He wants me to move downtown, but I love my home at the beach,” and, “But he’s just not curious,” and “Can I really spend my life with someone who’s allergic to dogs?”

I’ve been told that the reason so many women end up alone is that we have too many choices. I think it’s the opposite: we have no choice. If we could choose, we’d choose to be in a healthy marriage based on reciprocal passion and friendship. But the only choices on the table, it sometimes seems, are settle or risk being alone forever.That’s not a whole lot of choice.

Remember the movie Broadcast News? Holly Hunter’s dilemma—the choice between passion and friendship—is exactly the one many women over 30 are faced with. In the end, Holly Hunter’s character decides to wait for the right guy, but he (of course) never materializes. Meanwhile, her emotional soul mate, the Albert Brooks character, gets married (of course) and has children.

And no matter what women decide—settle or don’t settle—there’s a price to be paid, because there’s always going to be regret. Unless you meet the man of your dreams (who, by the way, doesn’t exist, precisely because you dreamed him up), there’s going to be a downside to getting married, but a possibly more profound downside to holding out for someone better.

My friend Jennifer summed it up this way: “When I used to hear women complaining bitterly about their husbands, I’d think, ‘How sad, they settled.’ Now it’s like, ‘God, that would be nice.’”

That’s why mothers tell their daughters to “keep an open mind” about the guy who spends his weekends playing Internet poker or touches your back for two minutes while watching ESPN and calls that “a massage.” The more-pertinent questions, to most concerned mothers of daughters in their 30s, have to do with whether the daughter’s boyfriend will make a good father; or, if he’s a workaholic, whether he can provide the environment for her to be a good mother. As my own mother once advised me, when I was dating a musician, “Everyone settles to some degree. You might as well settle pragmatically.”

I know all this now, and yet—here’s the problem—much as I’d like to settle, I can’t seem to do it. It’s not that I have to be dazzled by a guy anymore (though it would be nice). It’s not even that I have to think about him when he’s not around (though that would be nice, too). Nor is it that I’m unable to accept reality and make significant compromises because that’s what grown-ups do (I can and have—I had a baby on my own).

No, the problem is that the very nature of dating leaves women my age to wrestle with a completely different level of settling. It’s no longer a matter, as it was in my early 30s, of “just not feeling it,” of wanting to be in love. Consider the men whom older women I know have married in varying degrees of desperation over the past few years: a recovering alcoholic who doesn’t always go to his meetings; a trying-to-make-it-in-his-40s actor; a widower who has three nightmarish kids and who’s still actively grieving for his dead wife; and a socially awkward engineer (so socially awkward that he declined to attend his wife’s book party). It’s not that these women are crazy; it’s that the dating pool has dwindled dramatically and that, due to gender politics, the few available men tend to require far more of a concession than those who were single when we were younger. And while I have a much higher tolerance for settling than I did back then, now I have my son to consider. It’s one thing to settle for a subpar mate; it’s quite another to settle for a subpar father figure for my child. So while there’s more incentive to settle now, there’s less willingness to settle too much, because that would be a disservice to my son.

This doesn’t undermine my case for settling. Instead, it supports my argument to do it young, when settling involves constructing a family environment with a perfectly acceptable man who may not trip your romantic trigger—as opposed to doing it older, when settling involves selling your very soul in exchange for damaged goods. Admittedly, it’s a dicey case to make because, like the divorced women I know who claim they wouldn’t have done anything differently, because then they wouldn’t have Biff and Buffy, I, too, can’t imagine life without my magical son. (Although, had I had children with a Mr. Good Enough, wouldn’t I be as hopelessly in love with those children, too?) I also acknowledge the power of the grass-is-always-greener phenomenon, and allow for the possibility that my life alone is better (if far more difficult) than the life I would have in a comfortable but tepid marriage.

But then my married friends say things like, “Oh, you’re so lucky, you don’t have to negotiate with your husband about the cost of piano lessons” or “You’re so lucky, you don’t have anyone putting the kid in front of the TV and you can raise your son the way you want.” I’ll even hear things like, “You’re so lucky, you don’t have to have sex with someone you don’t want to.”

The lists go on, and each time, I say, “OK, if you’re so unhappy, and if I’m so lucky, leave your husband! In fact, send him over here!”

Not one person has taken me up on this offer.

Daily Rant: You're Late!

2008-03-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

There really are very few things that really annoy me or make me angry. However, if there's one thing that does make me angry and annoyed, it's when people are late. I have a few people in my life who are like that. The way I see it, if you're going to be late, just don't bother at all.
What's the point in making plans if you're just going to be late anyway? I mean, really. I've tried to get over it, but it just doesn't seem to be working. I find no problem in being on time or early to anything that I attend. And I usually have quite a bit of a commute. If I am late, it's a rare kind of I got in a car accident occurrence.

Seriously people, just make life easier for everyone and be on time!

Daily Update: The New Year

2008-02-23T21:13:00.000-08:00

So it's been a while since my last update. My last update was on Christmas. And here it is a good two months later. Much has changed. I got a full time job! That's probably the biggest one. I'm working at the Chittenden Bank in Burlington as a teller, and I absolutely love it. I get to interact with people on a daily basis. I really do enjoy it!

Hmm...what else? I have a vacation planned finally. I'm driving down to Rhode Island in August to visit Drew. I'll be there for his birthday and everything. He and Jonathan are getting a house on the beach. What better to do for my vacation than spend a week with my best friend on the beach. It will be a very awesome end to the summer. I was going to go to Denver, but it's just not financially an option at this point in time.

Not much else going on. I've followed through with most of my New Years Resolutions. The drama factor has decreased significantly due to the lack of a certain someone who is no longer in my life. Overall this year has started out pretty well.

That's all for updates for now. I'll do my best to keep this updated a little better in the future.

Daily Update: Christmas Resolution

2007-12-25T18:05:00.001-08:00

Yes, you read it right. My CHRISTMAS resolution. I'm getting a head start on New Years this year. I've never made a New Years resolution this year, but I figure 2007 is the year to start. And I'm starting early, so that I can add to this list as we get closer to New Years Eve.
1. Avoid drama at all costs
2. Avoid people associated with drama
3. Be more blunt
4. Don't settle
5. Get a job
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

More to come....

Rant: Employment Post Higher Education

2007-12-11T17:38:00.000-08:00

As a senior in high school I assumed that going to college was the next plan of action. The one thing that was planned out for me to do next. The logical next step. And in following through with that step, I would be rewarded with a job right out of college, and everything would be taken care of for me.
How naive I was. Not only has none of this come true, but rather quite the opposite has occurred. I've been a graduate of UVM for seven months. More than half a year. And I have yet to find a real permanent full time job. And yes, part of this is my fault. I didn't seriously start looking until August. But that still gives me 5 months during which I have failed to find a job.
I've come to this conclusion. Employers want you to have a college education, yes, but also important is to have experience. Now as 23 years old, I've been in college for the past five years. And have had no time to gain that experience that is so highly sought after. In addition, how will I ever gain that experience unless someone takes a chance on me?
The job market is a tough world. Maybe on par with the world of dating. But none the less, those with a thick skin seem to succeed, while those who don't...well...either work in a job they hate, or become bums. I'm just hoping that my patience pays off in the end.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season so far.
I know my last post said I was going away for NYE, that is not the case, however. There's potential for a party at some friends of my parents. We'll see where life takes me in the next few weeks.

Daily Update: Boston or Bust?

2007-12-06T00:40:00.000-08:00

So things have gotten better since my last post. I find that I have the urge to blog when I'm upset, and then I wonder why all my posts are angst-driven and emo-esque. Well, this one isn't so much.

I've spent the past week finishing up a temp gig at Middlebury College. Things are good with that. A bit slow, but still good. I'm getting some good job hunting in. And Monday I'm going up to Burlington to have a nice long talk with an Admissions counselor up there. I'm actually looking forward to it. In the past I've been really against it, given that I find most UVM departments to be unhelpful. I think they just work with so many students who are rude, that it's like being rude back is their safety. But I feel like as long as I know what it is I want, I will be able to get some good stuff out of this meeting. It's when I go in all wishy washy and want people to essentially do my work for me that I run into trouble.

This week has also been one of struggle. Mainly the past few days. My job hunt in Vermont isn't going so well. And I've decided to branch out. First it was just Boston, and then after talking to my sister, I started looking at Denver. Since talking to her again, and thinking about what is is that I want, Denver just isn't the place for me. I don't know that Boston is either, but if I come to that conclusion, home is a mere 4 hours away. So I've been looking at more jobs in Vermont and in Boston. I'm hoping for the best.

A friend of mine, Barbara told me that people tend to make real decisions after the new year, and that I just have to sit tight for a little while longer, and not get discouraged. Easier said than done!

So until then, I have the holidays coming up, and I've signed up to work at a substitute teacher in the five towns. Also, I'm still on the Temp list here at Middlebury as well as looking for some transcription work.

I'm just about ready for things to work themselves into place. I've been in limbo for so long, I'm just about ready for things to work out.

As far as my social life goes, I don't have one. I don't go out, the most I do is to drive into work. Exciting, no? I just really can't afford the trips up to Burlington. Gas is getting so expensive. I want to hang out with my friends, but what they don't seem to understand is that, just driving up to Burlington costs me money. Money that I really don't have. I may go up this weekend for Katie's birthday though. Give me something to do. We'll see. Staying at home all the time really isn't as bad as it was that first weekend. It gets better as time goes on.

My dating life. Well, this one, as always is complicated. I'm trying to just ignore it all, as I seem to have enough on my plate right now. What it ends up coming down to is this, two guys who like me, but who live 2-3 hours away from me. One guy locally who I have no interest in what so ever, but still keeps e-mailing me. And one guy I'm interested in getting to know if only he'd actually give me a chance and not hold a grudge, which he says he can do and all, but I'm just not sure yet. He and I may have dinner on Saturday night in Bristol. That's yet to be determined.

And there it is, my current life in a nutshell for those of you not paying attention, or with as much on your plate as me. I miss all of my friends I haven't talked to lately. But I understand how life goes, it gets busy and you just loose track of time, etc. But please please please stay in touch. I'm going to get better at doing that too.

Much love to you all.

Daily Update: End of the year and poor.

2007-12-01T21:47:00.000-08:00

I really can't stand my lack of money to spend. I have stayed in every weekend for about the past month. I just don't have the money to be able to do it. Everyone is on my case about how they haven't seen me in forever, and where am I, etc. etc. It is just so depressing to have to be like 'Well, I don't have a job, and thus, I have no money, and I have bills that need to be paid every month.
This whole not going out thing has absolutely nothing to do with drinking either, hell, if I wanted to drink I could do it here. It mainly has to do with my lack of socializing. The only people I socialize with right now are my parents, and people at Middlebury who I work with (in my last temp week). It's DEPRESSING. As none of these people are close to being my age.
On top of that, I badly need to get away from here. I'm sick of the same ol' in and out. I want to go to Troy for a weekend, or Boston, or anywhere. But without the cash, that's just not possible.
I hate money, and I hate feeling so depressed.
This weekend I could have gone to Middlebury College to the men's ice hockey games, but instead I stayed at home being bored out of my mind. And why? Because I knew I'd run into all of my parents friends there, and I'd get the "So what are you doing now that you've graduated?" and I thought it'd be better to stay at home being bored than to depress myself even more by having to repeat that I'm unemployed to everyone. It's pretty embarrassing. Although my job hunting and everything that goes along with that is a subject for another time when I have more energy. Because THAT is it's own blog post.
For now, keep your fingers crossed that I hear something about a job!

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Now playing: Black Eyed Peas - Shut Up
via FoxyTunes

Lyrics: Mariah Carey 'All I want for Christmas is You'

2007-11-27T16:22:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the year. And for those who don't know, I am a HUGE HUGE HUGE fan of Christmas. The colors, the lights, the music, it's just all so happy, and I loooooove it.
So, to celebrate the fact that there is less than a month left of Christmas, my favorite Christmas song. Mariah Carey 'All I want for Christmas is You'.
Yay!

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is...
You

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ooh baby
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is...
You

Update: Thanksgiving, General Life Frustrations

2007-11-26T19:21:00.000-08:00

So Thanksgiving is over, it's nice, there are no leftovers in my refrigerator taking up precious space where my soy milk should be. Instead the refrigerator is looking quite bare. My parents went on vacation for Thanksgiving, and so I am left with a very empty refrigerator. And I worked at the Restaurant for Thanksgiving, and thus, no turkey leftovers...yet.
And so life goes on. I have yet to find a full time job, and it is something that stresses me out on a regular basis. I have discovered just what people mean when they say they're losing sleep over something. I keep looking, but it takes people so long to make decisions. I just called one place and was told they'll be making a decision very soon. So I'm hopeful but I'll be doing more job hunting tomorrow.
Remember that crush I ~~had~~ have on that boy? The one from Troy? Yeah still there. He's just the cutest thing. He reminds me a bit of Ben, just in that they have similar personalities. It's cute.
Oh, so on my birthday I flirted with a boy at the restaurant we were eating at. And he gave me his phone number. I've been out with him twice, but I'm not very optimistic about the whole thing. He's really very quiet, and I just don't have the energy to bring someone out of their shell. And I've been in enough relationships where I have to put in more effort than the other person. Relationships that are meant to be are supposed to flow, right? It shouldn't be this hard. No worries though. My self confidence has sky-rocketed. No more settling for boys I don't think are cute, I have the confidence to ask out boys I think are cute. And that really says something about how much I've grown.
Well, lots of errands to run tomorrow, so it's time for bed for this gal. I'll make an effort to update more often, if you all make an effort to comment once in a while, if only to let me know ANYONE is reading this. Because talking to myself, sort of lame.

----------------
Now playing: Locksley - Don't Make Me Wait
via FoxyTunes

2007-11-14T12:22:00.000-08:00

One. This really annoying kid won't stop talking to me.
Two. I have a little crush on a boy from Troy.

Daily Post: This is real.

2007-11-01T06:23:00.001-07:00

I feel so incredibly screwed up, and my conversation with Bill (my ex from FOREVER ago) didn't help.
Thing is, I've never really been able to hold a real relationship for very long. I end up feeling trapped, just basically just can't deal. I don't know why it is, but it's just something I do. Anytime anyone starts to show the least bit of affection, I run for the hills (mainly because that's where I live).
Now it's quite possible that this is a combination of my inability to commit, paired with other people's need to pair up and be in a seriously relationship so fast. Why is it that people used to just meet through friends before (by before, I mean before the internet...damn you Bob Dole)? And why is it that everyone is so quick to label everything, put everything into nice neat little boxes? Trust me, I'm the type of person who likes everything to be neat an orderly, but my love life, that's where I let things be a little messy. Everything is grey when it comes to this section of our lives, and I think that the desire to put everything into boxes, and push things along is what's making things so hard.
There are expectations as to how we should lead our lives, in what order things should happen, what we're expected to do and with whom, but honestly, doesnt' always happen that way.
This is vague, huh?
The point is that I'm into living in the here and now, I enjoy spending time with lots of different people in different capacities. To be forced to label something as a "relationship" makes me feel as if I'm being limited as to who I can spend time with, and how I spend time with them.
Why is life so difficult?
And why do I have to fight with my mom about my love life? MY MY MY MY MY love life.
I'm just feeling very frustrated. And my hair isn't perfect today. Which makes me angry.
On a more promising note, I'm looking at going back to school and therefore deferring my loans. I figure I'll be better suited for a REAL job that makes more money, money that I need to pay back my loans if I go to school for something concrete.

And with that said, I'm off.
I miss everyone, sorry I've been burrowed away for the past few weeks. I promise to come out of hiding now.

Lyrics: Stroke 9 'Nasty Little thoughts'

2007-10-30T11:46:00.000-07:00

This just in where to begin
Grin and bear... it's bare and grim
adoration, titillation, I'm the victim now
Because she's figured me out

She lights my candle
She has a handle on me
It's goin well but I'm scared as hell
That she'll figure me out
She thinks it's sacred to be naked
but I don't care cuz she's had me there

You see she's figured me out
and I wanna shout at the top of my lungs
but oh my God if she hears me she'll come runnin in

These are my hands, these are my faults,
These are my plans, and these are my nasty little thoughts
I wrote them down for you to contemplate at a later date

Well the word is out what's it all about
It's doubtless shady, no shadow of doubt
Moderation, this sensation would be fabulous
aww but she's figured me out
she's in my shower for an hour
she just washin and wonderin
She's tryin to figure me out

well i wanna shout at the top of my lungs now
but oh my God if she hears me she'll come runnin in
well these are my hands, these are my faults,
these are my plans, and these are my nasty little thoughts
I wrote them down for you to contemplate

It's a little bit of something that i feel
oh man and i just can't deal
and other than this distance that has covered me
can't you see that you have smothered me

Well, you're there, just stay out there
Just when I was on to something else
That's when she figured me out

You see she's figured me out
and I wanna shout at the top of my lungs
but oh my God if she hears me she'll come runnin in

These are my hands, these are my faults,
These are my plans, and these are my nastly little thoughts
I wrote them down for you to contemplate at a later date

These are my hands, these are my faults,
These are my plans, and these are my nastly little thoughts
I wrote them down for you to contemplate at a later date

2007-10-23T06:59:00.001-07:00

Lyrics: Rilo Kiley 'Plane Crash in C'

2007-10-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

Note: Many thanks to Adam for getting me into Rilo Kiley again. I've missed them. Listening to them again is like being home.

if you're scared and it shows cause you're watching them grow
and traveling blows when you're out of road
and when you jump up the earth wants you back

your resentment grow till you're all alone
but you're so smart how could they not know
when you're standing there in good humored white

and how do you do it?
and make it seem effortless
when its all the stupid things
so overwhelming to me
like paying my bills
or showing up for work early
or laughing at your jokes

when you first said that anything goes
or a problem is a task disguised in work clothes
that's when i knew i had to move
and why do you do it?
and make it seem delicate
when its all the stupid things
so damn confusing to me
like talking it through
controlling my temper
like letting it go
saying please forgive me
or laughing at your jokes

i have no idea what's been going on lately
and i just wish you'd come over and explain things

and i have no idea what's been going on lately
and i just wish you'd come over and explain things

i have no idea what's been going on lately
and i just wish you'd come over and explain things

i have no idea what's been going on lately
and i just wish you'd come over and explain things

why do they do it?
show up anyway
when they know that damn well
there is no room for promotions out here
and maybe it's wise
and maybe i'm just stupid
for laughing at your jokes

Rant: Online dating

2007-10-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

So I make it a point to check out the craigslist personal ads. Mainly men looking for women. I check this out due to the hilarious nature of the ads. However, more recently I've just been pretty sad reading them. A lot of the ads posted say things such as "looking for my soulmate and girlfriend, blah blah blah". I just don't get it. Whatever happened to meeting someone, becoming friends, and then seeing if it works out. Isn't that the point? To get to know someone? People are becoming way too eager to jump right into a relationship. Now we're all guilty of this a bit, myself included, which I think stems mainly from loneliness.
The other thing I've noticed is the use of the word "ladies". Is it just me, or does the word sound cheesy and trashy?? Ick.
That's all for now.

----------------
Now playing: Rilo Kiley - More Adventurous
http://foxytunes.com/artist/rilo+kiley/track/more+adventurous

Update: Daily Life, Burlington nightlife

2007-10-20T20:54:00.000-07:00

So it's about time for a new update. And I wish there was really something to blog about, but unfortunately there isn't. Things go along just as they always do. I'm still temping at Middlebury, which is okay, I get a paycheck every week, but I'm really not passionate about it.
I went out last night, I've been going out one weekend night every week, and it exhausts me. The thing is that the guys I meet while I'm out in Burlington are the type of guys who like to go out multiple nights every week. And I'm really not into that. Or else the other people I meet while out are the kind of guys who are out looking for one thing. I miss Liz, I miss going to The Green room and just sitting around having glasses of wine and chatting. I miss last year. I miss my old friends. Everyone has stuff going on, and I feel really disconnected from the people I want badly to hang out with. I love the friends I have now, but they just have a different directions in life.
So I end up going out, chatting with strange pushy men who I'm really not interested in. I need to start doing things I really like doing, meeting people that way, unfortunately my options in Vermont are pretty limited.
I'm getting restless with life, and I'm sick of doing the same thing every week.
I want to go to Drinks with friends I can just sit and have a glass of wine with. As far as relationships go, I'm ready to sincerely connect with someone, and not be jerked around. Period.

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Now playing: Rilo Kiley - Go Ahead
http://foxytunes.com/artist/rilo+kiley/track/go+ahead

Daily Update: Death

2007-10-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

Today was an incredibly sad day for me. My dog, Nilla hasn't been doing so well lately, having trouble getting up, etc. And today we had to make the decision to put her down as she couldn't stand up on her own at all anymore, yet alone go outside to go to the bathroom.
I've had her forever, she is my baby, my best friend. I keep thinking of all the things she used to do that she'll never do again. Like this strange grunting/heavy breathing she would do when she got excited or wanted to play. Below is a picture of her and a video from youtube of her and Tanner fighting. I'm really going to miss her. This has been the longest day of my life.
But I know she's a lot more comfortable and a lot more happy where she is now.
RIP Nilla, you'll always be my favorite.

Side Note: Pre- New Years Resolution

2007-10-10T17:59:00.000-07:00

My Pre-New Years Resolution (a.k.a. What I hope to get done BEFORE New Years) this year is to have a permanent steady full time job.

Who Do We Think We Are by Pete Kilpatrick

2007-10-04T10:22:00.000-07:00

Under a streetlight
that feels so far away,
I feel I'm losing
so much more than my mind
It was a perfect situation
it always kept me standing
out of the rain
Would've been the perfect dream
if only it had
stayed in bed with me

Who do we think we are
we're coming on so strong
Just when you thought
it was over I'm
Driving in my car
but not to very far
Cause it only feels right
when I'm colder

So what were you thinking
when you sank up all the
ships in my sea
Such a cozy harbor
til you came and dumped
your waves all over me
Another indecision that liked
to keep it's nails dug deep in fate
You could've spent the whole night
but she always like
to make them wait

Who do we think we are
we're coming on so strong
Just when you thought
it was over I'm
Driving in my car
but not to very far
Cause it only feels right
when I'm colder

Added bonus:

2007-10-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

Raccoon Leaders Call For Loosening Of Garbage-Can Lids

Rant: Online Status

2007-10-01T21:02:00.000-07:00

Here's the thing. Just because your profile says you're "single" or "in a relationship" doesn't mean you're either. Since when did your online status become such a huge deal anyway?
I mean, seriously. I'm in awe of people who take this seriously. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want to date you, or even anyone for that matter.
People are presumptuous and it drives me absolutely crazy.
Motivation for this post, I told this guy who keeps harassing me online that I was seeing someone, mainly just to get him to stop writing me...this brings up the whole issue of guys taking a god damn hint, see past posts about this. So this is what he wrote to me: "Also, if you're dating someone, don't forget to change you facebook/MySpace status :p"
I want to write back and scream "WHAT?!? SERIOUSLY???" I mean, come on.
Maybe I just lack the ability to be able to understand people like this. But I'm getting really very sick of the whole e-world.
I was told about this computer program recently where you create an "avatar" and apparently it's like the Sims in that you basically live in this world where you can move around, etc. However, this new program is being used by Universities for students to "go to class". And by "go to class" I mean sit around in bed in their Pajamas while their "avatar" goes to class in this e-world. Also, get this, you can use your real-world money to buy clothes for your avatar. Why don't we create a big pile of money and just burn it, how about that?? Huh?
I get so frustrated with people and their money spending. There are some of us out there who are barely scraping by with bills, living in their parents house because they can't afford to live anywhere else who could do with a couple of extra bucks here or there to pay some bills or treat themselves to something and they just can't do it. But instead we have people buying their online avatars e-clothing. SERIOUSLY. Am I the only one who thinks that this is completely ridiculous?

Really, give me your thoughts on this. Am I just being closed minded or this the whole issue of people being disconnected from the world due to the internet just becoming a bigger and bigger issue??
It is really sad to me that a person could stay in their house and pretty much sustain life. There is no real need anymore for real world interactions.

Give me your thoughts.

Rant: University of Florida Student Tasered

2007-09-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

I found this link today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaiWCS10C5s&mode=related&search=

And it just raises so many questions. First of all, I think that the kid had valid questions to be asking, perhaps not the secret society question. But I think the other questions were indeed valid. I am still very unclear as to why he was pulled away. I think that Sen. John Kerry could have easily said something along the lines of "I don't have an answer to your question at the moment" or something diplomatic like that.
When I watched another video of the events I sort of sided with the police in that, this guy is clearly strong, and IS resisting arrest. Whether the arrest was necessary or not (Also, I didn't hear any of the police offiers telling him that he was being arrested at any point before he started yelling and screaming about being arrested). However, I find it amazing that five police officers can't control one sober 20-something college student (I only bring up the sobriety, because from what I've seen, when drunk any pain that might occur, i.e. having your arm bent backwards, etc. doesn't really bother you much, and it certainly doesn't slow you down). If you watch the video there are four of them leaning on him, pinning him down. While I still take the side of the police officers, I do believe that perhaps our campus officers aren't properly trained for events like this to occur.

The whole thing just confuses me, and I'm sort of on the fence about how I feel about it. I do feel however that the whole thing could have easily been avoided had the event coordinators been prepared for questions such as the one the boy was asking. After all, this is a college. Aren't we educating our children to be independent thinking people? Especially at University where protest are a daily occurrence because of so many people of differing opinions?

It just blows my mind.

Daily Update

2007-09-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

I talked to my sister for a few minutes tonight. It's amazing to me how much I really do miss her. She's my sister, I look back on my time in Colorado and wish I had more time, or that I had gotten to see her more. But it being my first time in Colorado I wanted to see the sites too. Now that I'm home, I just want to see her again, and to hang out with her.
I know she's having trouble with her love life, and she's working all the time, and job is stressing her out. I just wish I could be there as a sister to give her advice, and to help her through it all.

Work is going. I'm done on Friday, and then done training on Monday or Tuesday. Who knows when really though. No one is telling me anything. And I'm supposed to find out something about the job I interviewed for on either Friday or Monday. I hope it's Friday. I do really want this job. I just think it'd be a great thing for me to do.

Signing off.

Rant: You Tube

2007-09-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to judge anyone who feels that video is the best outlet by which to express themselves. I think that film is a great artistic medium, and of course I love being able to watch my favorite shows via You Tube, or check out comedians I'm interested in. It's a great source for that.
However I've been noticing more and more video blogs. They turn out to be mainly young high school-aged girls talking about this and that, and really nothing. Here's my question, why is THIS what these people are doing with their time? It's not artistic, they just like the attention and want to see themselves on the internet.
My suggestion would be for these people to find something productive to do with their time.

Steve Poltz 'You Remind Me'

2007-09-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

A lightning flash across the sky
I'm lookin' in your hazel eyes
I'm lookin' for somethin'
But I can't find it

Forgot my name, I fell from grace
I been gone so long, I don't know this place
Don't know anyone
I don't know your face

It's an inkblot world; a Rorschach test
You make your way; you try the best you can
You remind me who I am

We could die just sitting here
A broken heart; a wayward tear
An airplane gone astray
I intend the love, I can help but run
Where did all this fear come from?
I wonder when it will leave me

Your fingers finger into mine
Holding hands to pass the time
cause we can
You remind me who I am

A chest of drawers upon the porch
You're in the back like a tiki torch
You're burnin' fast; you're burnin' hot

And I been singing songs so long
And songs that sounded good alone
Aren't sounding the way I want em

It's an inkblot world; a Rorschach test
You make your way; you try the best you can
You remind me who I --

Your fingers finger into mine
Holding hands to pass the time
cause we can
And you remind me who I am

Belle and Sebastian 'Lord Anthony'

2007-09-23T10:25:00.000-07:00

Anthony, bullied at school
Get your own back now you are cool
Or are you scared bunking off though you're a toff?
It's all gone wrong again, you've got Double Maths.

But the teacher's got no control
The boys all run riot
"You will stay quiet or you will die."

Tony, at the back of the gym
Smoke another one, your chances are slim,
'Cause here they come again
And they got you on the ground.
Tasting blood again;
At least it's your own.

When will you realize it doesn't pay
To be smarter than teachers, smarter than most boys?
"So shut your mouth, start kicking the football."
Bang on the teeth. You are off for a week, boy.

You may as well take it in the guts, it can't get worse.
Just take it in the guts, it can't get worse than this.

'Cause you'll soon be old enough to leave them
Without a notion of a care
You'll leave two fingers in the air
To linger there.

Tony, you're a bit of a mess;
Melted Toblerone under your dress.
If the kids could see you they would pass you right by.
Blue mascara running over your eye.

When will you realize it doesn't pay
To be smarter than teachers, smarter than most boys?
"Shut your mouth, start kicking the football"
Bang on the teeth. You were off for a week, boy.

(Anthony. it could be worse)
(Anthony, it could be worse)

They call you Lord Anthony but hey, it could be worse.
Lord Anthony but hey, it could be worse.
Lord Anthony but hey, it kind of suits you anyway...

You'll soon be old enough to leave them
Without a notion of a care
You'll leave two fingers in the air
To linger there.

Daily Update

2007-09-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well I had quite a successful date last night. Which is great considering the string of bad ones I've had lately. It's just about time for me to have a good date or two. So that was good. Although there's really absolutely nothing to do in Middlebury I found out. No wonder all of the students at Middlebury have such a hard time with it.
I also made it through another week at work. I'm going to be glad when I actually have a full time permanent job. I need a little more job security than I have now. I suppose I'll get it eventually.

I really thought I had more to post than this. More to come I suppose.

Quotes I like

2007-09-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones"

-Stolen from Paul.

Rant: Guys I tend to date

2007-09-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

So tell me whether you seem to have this problem as badly as I do. Guys who get attached after the FIRST DATE. Okay, here's the thing, if I'm into it, I'll contact you, if I'm not, then I won't. Take a hint.
What confuses me the most is when they act as if I'm breaking up with them after dating for years, and "Oh my god! How could you? You broke my heart!". Here's the thing, you don't know me, and I don't know you. But apparently I know enough about you to not want to date you. Now for whatever reason that might be, just deal.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but HONESTLY. Most people can take a hint, but then there are those few who can't. And that is really the worst of it. I'm not really sure how else to put it.
Everyone puts their best foot forwards on a first date, and I am certainly not the type of person to be mean just because I'm not into you, I'll try to make it enjoyable no matter what, there is no reason to waste an evening just because we don't hit things off.
I'm not generally a mean person, but I don't have time to fuck around and date guys that I don't see any future with. I'm not going to date you just to save hurting your feelings, because there is really no point.

I need a guy who can be laid back, and chill out, and not e-stalk me.
Where ARE those guys?

Daily Updates

2007-09-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

This has been the longest week EVER. It's not even that it's been super busy, but more that it's been not so busy. I can't wait until I have a job where I'm actually busy all the time. I just feel bored, and I'm not the type of person who can just sit around, and get paid for doing nothing. I need to be doing something otherwise the day just goes by SO. SLOWLY. I know I'll eventually be kicking myself for this. But I'm used to being in school where I had stuff to do all the time essentially, I had school work, I had friends, etc. etc. It's just hard to go from that, to this, that's all. But I had a job interview today and things seemed to go okay. We'll see what happens when I hear back about the job, but I really want this, I think I could be great at it.

This weekend, I'm really excited hopefully it'll be a very productive weekend. I'm going to dinner with Matt on Friday night in Middlebury, and then Saturday going apple picking with Patrick, and Logan, Ellie, Matt (hopefully), and Ty. It's going to be a good time. Then Sunday I'm making apple sauce, a HEALTHY snack alternative, and then I'm going to Devendra Banhart at UVM that night. Which I'm super excited for. It should really be a good time. And, it'll be my first time in the new Student Center at UVM. Fun times for all!

Well, that's all for my first post. I'm going to try to update this every day or at least every other day, but who knows where life really leads. I'll do my best.

New Post

2007-09-20T10:19:00.001-07:00

Stay tuned for an update tonight.
Hopefully this will get updated more often than my old blogs.