Daily Post: This is real.

I feel so incredibly screwed up, and my conversation with Bill (my ex from FOREVER ago) didn't help.
Thing is, I've never really been able to hold a real relationship for very long. I end up feeling trapped, just basically just can't deal. I don't know why it is, but it's just something I do. Anytime anyone starts to show the least bit of affection, I run for the hills (mainly because that's where I live).
Now it's quite possible that this is a combination of my inability to commit, paired with other people's need to pair up and be in a seriously relationship so fast. Why is it that people used to just meet through friends before (by before, I mean before the internet...damn you Bob Dole)? And why is it that everyone is so quick to label everything, put everything into nice neat little boxes? Trust me, I'm the type of person who likes everything to be neat an orderly, but my love life, that's where I let things be a little messy. Everything is grey when it comes to this section of our lives, and I think that the desire to put everything into boxes, and push things along is what's making things so hard.
There are expectations as to how we should lead our lives, in what order things should happen, what we're expected to do and with whom, but honestly, doesnt' always happen that way.
This is vague, huh?
The point is that I'm into living in the here and now, I enjoy spending time with lots of different people in different capacities. To be forced to label something as a "relationship" makes me feel as if I'm being limited as to who I can spend time with, and how I spend time with them.
Why is life so difficult?
And why do I have to fight with my mom about my love life? MY MY MY MY MY love life.
I'm just feeling very frustrated. And my hair isn't perfect today. Which makes me angry.
On a more promising note, I'm looking at going back to school and therefore deferring my loans. I figure I'll be better suited for a REAL job that makes more money, money that I need to pay back my loans if I go to school for something concrete.

And with that said, I'm off.
I miss everyone, sorry I've been burrowed away for the past few weeks. I promise to come out of hiding now.